My family has been on Maui for 5 generations....I am part brown and part white...my bloodline is partly from the oppressed culture and partly from the oppressors----so what does that make me??I've been on Maui and called it home since I was 5 years old, but I'm not 'born and raised'...so what does that make me?I've spent time with Whites, tourists, and other malihini who seem so oblivious of their host culture--- in ways that make me cringe---don't they realize it's arrogant to be ignorant, so insensitive to the injustice and pain that's all around them? As they are grumbling about "reverse prejudice", do they realize how deep and wide the destruction of Hawaiian culture, pride, and sovereignity truly is?I've spent time with Hawaiians of nearly pure koko, strong in culture, heart and activism, and I have greatly admired their courage and onipa'a in the face of such a monumental task, reclaiming the aina from the US government. Because I loved their son, I was good enough to bring food and gifts and caring, but never really accepted.At family lu'aus I listened and saw fierce passion and determination focused like a spear shot into politics, and into the hearts and minds of the younger generations---inspiring them to get involved--- in everything from Na Koa Warriors to County Council meetings, fighting for the past and for the future.I have learned some, but there is so much more to know, and so much I will never know or understand, because I am not kanaka maoli. My mind sees, my heart hurts---I want to do something, some way, to help. But I have no place, I am not kanaka maoli, so when I try, I am rebuffed. I don't want to be a wannabe---I just want to offer what I can.But when I have done so, respectfully and using the honored language of protocol as best I can, giving money and time and caring and love, the gifts were taken, but I was rebuffed. Maybe I should have tried harder. But I let myself be pushed away, and finally their bitterness became my bitterness too.I know that sometimes, after you've been deeply hurt, the only way to gain strength to stand up again, is to be so angry that the fire of it pushes you into action, and keeps you strong. I also know that the price you pay for livng a life full of bitter anger is a hard price to pay, hard on the body and soul.Is there a way to hate the wrong, hate the injustice, even hate the oppressor---without becoming as racist as the people who hurt you in the first place?I want to say, "Look, if I could go back in time and be on the boat with Captain Cook, I'd shoot his ass right there and stop the problem before it started! If I could take my little upcountry house that I work hard for, and give it back to the Hawaiians and thereby make all the other folks like me do the same--Id do it right now."But it's not that simple. And these proud, betrayed, angry, magnificent Hawaiians who see me and reject me because they assume by looking at me that they know who I am, to them I want to say, "Please don't become the very thing you hate. Just because I'm not one of you, doesn't mean I am one of them. Maybe somewhere betwen the 'us' and 'them', there are people who want to help."So what does that make me?
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