The Kupunas are watching...
Trust has never been an issue for me. I tend to be a very open person & I care about people regardless. But recently things have seemed to take on this whole nother outlook. I've had to sit back & ask myself if I honestly & trully trust certain people who are/were in my life. Sometimes I'd get the answer of "no", which, if you've known a person for some years, is hard to face because after a certain amount of time, you start to build a love for the person. Letting go of that love is a little hard. My friend told us that because we chose a different path in life & decided to make certain decisions, the people in our lives would change & certain people would slowly fade out. I expected that. I expected people to fade out of my life & be a part of my memory archive; to able to look back upon, laugh at the stupid things that we did, cringe at the crazy things we did, or even shed a tear for those times we shared, being there to wipe the other persons tears away. It was okay. I appreciated the experiences, treasured the memories, & looked oh-so-forward to the future. But when the other person chooses to leave a bad taste in your mouth, you kind of ask yourself, "Okay, now why did I even give my time & energy to this person in the first place?" Most of the time, the people changed (not for the better). Or those people are still involved with someone who isn't the greatest influence upon them. It is those people that I pray for. I pray that they will see the light, come to that clearing, know what it is to be who they really are, be the happiest they could possibly be. I'm not a religious person, but there are higher powers out there & I want to make sure I cover all my bases to make sure these people still have that window to happiness still open. The other people, well, I pray that they find the light, period. However they manage to find it, I hope they do before they never have the chance to ever find it again.
I've been left with having to almost "take inventory" to see who is what to me. All of the people in my life are important to me, but I had to decide if they were a good influence or not, & whether or not I trust them. It's not something I just up & decided to do, it was something I was faced to do. One day I got a message from someone I haven't seen in a while. I welcomed the message, but the message itself wasn't so welcoming. I guess it started a while back when this person questioned some decisions I (& a few others) had made (all at our own times), but it was when I made the decision, the comment came out. I just said, "Water off a ducks back" & continued about my life, knowing very well that he/she would find out the hard way why we all had made the decisions we made. Back to recently. The message was one of those, "Oh, Hi. How you doing? & By the way, can you do something for me?" No common courtesy to let me answer & trully find out how I was doing. No time taken to see what I've been up to, whether or not I'm even around (which a couple of you know all too well that I've been know to just up & disappear without a word), or anything. It was an "ulterior motive" message. I really don't like those. You might as well not leave a message at all cause I won't answer. Yes, I really didn't answer them. Why should I? I refuse to be used! I'm not put on this earth so people can only know me when they need/want something. My Kupuna don't like that at all. As if that wasn't enough, I get another message from someone else asking me the same question, asking for something from me. They were both asking for the same thing from me. I guess because I didn't answer the first one, they decided to have the second person ask me in hopes that I'd answer. Normally I would, but my trust level in that person has gone down dramatically as well (prior to this experience). Plus the thing they asked of me would not be used by either. I know for a fact it's for someone else. The Kupuna show me/tell me things. They're not stupid. You can't hide anything from them. Cause what I look like? Burger King? Well, you can't have it your way. It is the way the Kupunas want it. Meanwhile, the little birdy still chirps some info into my ear every now & then. This person also has trust issues with both of those people. It's like being at the circus & you're watching them fly people back & forth between the poles, but the only thing is, the poles are constantly moving in all different directions/places. I've even heard things from people who aren't even involved. So crazy I tell you. Regardless, I'm still looking for the reason why this happened. What is it teaching me? Other than the fact that even though I love/loved some people so unconditionally & for so long, they can turn out to be "rotten eggs". I know there's got to be another lesson to be learned from all of this. I'm just glad I'm not involved in it like I used to be. Gosh, how happy my life has become! I have to, again, for the 100 umpteenth time, say "Mahalo" to my Kupuna for opening my eyes, taking me out of that situation/position, showing me the open window, making sure I'd have a soft landing on the other side, & making sure I didn't go back through that window, back the other way. I wish & hope for the best for all the people that are no longer a part of my life. They really do deserve the best & I hope one day they find it.
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