Ok kanaka, I don't mean any offense with these jokes. I found them from a site and thought it was hilarious. So leave your opinions if you like. Other than that, enjoy!!~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~Marriage Jokes:
1. A successful man is one who can make more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find one.2. When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, no one knows why.3. A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have what ever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "Ok, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."4. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.5. How do most men define marriage? An expensive way of getting your laundry done.6. A little boy asked his father one day, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it."7. A couple was having a discussion about their finances. Finally the husband exploded and said, "If it weren't for my money, this house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "Honey, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."8. A man said his credit card was stolen but decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.9. Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener.10. The most effective to remember your wife's birthday is to forget one.11. Cosmetics: A woman's way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.12. Words to live by: Never get into an argument with a spouse who is packing your parachute.13. One day a husband asked his wife, "Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" She replied, "Because I married the wrong man!"14. The sequence of marriage: In the first year, the man speaks and the wife listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.15. When a man opens the door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing -- either the car is new or the wife is.16. Marriage is a three ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.17. A couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband leaned over too much and fell into the well and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment and then smiled, "It really works!"18. Two women friends meet on the street but they haven't seen each other in years. As they are talking, one woman notices her friend has a 5 carat diamond ring and says "My, what a magnificent ring!" Her friend replies, "Yes, it is. Unfortunately it comes with a curse. It comes with my husband!"19. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he's finished.20. I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce I keep the house.21. Marriage is when a man and a woman become one. Trouble starts when they try to decide who.22. Marriages are made in heaven. But then again so is thunder and lightening.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~Men Jokes:
1. What is the thinnest book in the world? "What Men Know About Women"2. There's a book about what men know about women. All the pages are blank.3. What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.4. How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.5. What's the difference between men and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.6. What's a man's idea of helping with the housework? Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.7. What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted!8. What did God say after he created man? I can do better.9. What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.10. How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy and Wearable"11. Only a man could buy a $400 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.12. Why did God create man? He needed practice.13. Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost, at least she'll ask for directions.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~Rules of the Female Government:
1. The female always makes the rules.2. The rules are subject to change at anytime without prior notification....... by the female.3. No male can possibly know all the rules.4. The female is never wrong.5. If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of the male did or saidwrong.6. The male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.7. The female may change her mind at any time.8. The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female.9. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.10. The male is expected to "mind read" all the time.11. The male who doesn't abide by the rules either can't take the heat, lack backbone, or is a wimp.12. The female is ready when she is ready.13. The male must be ready at all times.
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